He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
