I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.