I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?