his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.