Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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