I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
