Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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