Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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