so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
