I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
