Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
