A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sext me about skeletons
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
