Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
