You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
