Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
