I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
