Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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