His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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