They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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