Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
