So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
