You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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