and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
