I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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