so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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