I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
