There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
