return my video game
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
In America we eat man semen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
