Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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