you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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