look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
