3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
