You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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