This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
