Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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