Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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