He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
