I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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