i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
