WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this is an emotional support booty call
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
