Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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