question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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