john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize