I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize