Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
