Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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