I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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