I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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