My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
