I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
