doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am mentally ready for anal.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
