Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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