hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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