I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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