So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
