...so i touched it.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
