Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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