no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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