Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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