I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
