Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
