Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
