Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
