When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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