I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
