I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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