I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
