May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
