I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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