3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
