Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
