Please, let me fuck your mom
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
