I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
