I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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