i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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