just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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