The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
