Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize