just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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