Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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