I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
