I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
